No. This can't be. This feeling right now, this can't be happening. As far as I know we're "only" friends. ONLY FRIENDS.


Why am I like this? :(



I miss Farha.. It's like she's avoiding me... Or not avoiding me. Eitherway, the pain's still there. Sorry, but I'm not numb like you. Ever since I had a crush on you, I always am the one who took risks and all. Why not you? I mean it's your turn now... (pause) So, I've been thinking, that maybe.. just maybe, now is the right time when you can be the one to take risks for us... Okay not for us, but well. Whatever. It's really hard to explain things as complicated like this you know.



What would be more painful?

You became friends:

• and for her, you can only stay as friends, but for you, you think that, that person and you can be more than friends.. (which really hurts 'cause it means waiting for someone or something that might not even come true..) OR;

You didn't become friends at all so you're just at home, sitting on your windowpane wishing that you should've grabbed the opportunity for you to be friends?



Just so you know, I've felt all of that.. I even came to the point where I've thought that if we didn't become friends would my life be as simple as it was when I didn't even realize I have a crush on you...? Then, I also got to the point where I've thought if ever you and Genelle would fall apart, will I have a chance on you? Will we have a chance? I kept telling myself that I should stop from thinking that we'd be more than friends but of course I can't hide from that feeling forever. All in all, I'm just asking you to hurry up and let me down before my hopes get too high.




For all you know, this entry is actually for Farha, but it's okay if you read it. Just don't tell anyone about this entry.... :) Especially her. :|



That's all... At least writing entries makes me feel less depressed, or at least that's what I'm thinking... But I'm still sad. That's a fact.

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