I was about to sleep, lying on my bed already... But damn, once I shut my eyes, thoughts just started accumulating. So, I opened my eyes and typed these thoughts on my BB, but it was hard to type an anticipatory long-entry with those little buttons so I hopped in to chair and on to my laptop. Once I got on hold of it, I forgot the main reason I used it. So I logged in to Twitter and Facebook. I had to scan through my newsfeed and I saw two videos that I simultaneously shared because it made sense to me. The first one was about the LRT station in Japan  (I think) which made me lol-ed. The second one had a different effect on me. You see I just had lost my favorite dog in the world last month and the video got into me. I cried my heart out. Thankfully I was alone coz God forbid anyone seeing me in that state. My nostrils were getting clogged I had to drink water and calm myself before continuing on my newsfeed. This is the video:
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=302388079865503 (Sorry I dunno how to make it a video-video). I hope you'd watch it. I think the dog there is also the one in Hachicko. I'm not sure though, I didn't make enough research. Also I tweeted Zayn before watching those videos. I was optimistic and hoping he'd reply. Haha funny me :-)

Okay so the main thought of this entry is this: what do I think about LS back then and what I think about LS now. I think it's time I should talk about it. I know I shouldn't bring it up anymore, but it just keeps haunting me, so might as well write it down. Okay so  back then, I really was unconscious of her existence and her friends' as well. I think I could only count by my fingers the people I know from her batch. But right around the time J-J relationship was going, I remember it so wholly the first time I got to know her existence, not her (there's a huge difference). So by that time, I didn't know I was crushing on her until my birthday. Not that I was knocked out by reality that I had a  crush on her on my birthday, but I was... enlightened, maybe? Actually, I didn't know if it was crush or just simply admiration because she was definitely very good with words. But when I had that feeling, I wasn't exactly sure why but I didn't bother telling any of my friends. But for some reason, it seemed like J and I had like a mutual understanding of my infatuation for her. But I was weird because I was weirded out by my feelings for her that I couldn't even admit to myself. It was going good, but only everytime we exchange texts and chat on Y!M, leave some comments on Multiply... but that's just it. When we get together, we never actually utter even a single word to each other. There was even a time where she had to tell to J what she wanted tell me and I'd give my answer to J and she'd tell LS what I told J. I didn't know exactly why I was very shy when it came to LS. Like I had this feeling that I'm not good enough. And one thing, I didn't know why I felt that way, it's not like we'd be together-together, you know. But I still got kilig back then even with the littlest gesture. I didn't know the reason why exactly our "friendship" had to end. Also, I couldn't do anything when she's getting so much closer with N than with me. So I had to suck it up my whole senior year and act coldly towards N and just let stress/headache or whatever an excuse for that behavior. There was even a time when I was distant with N... maybe because I was just jealous with their closeness that I thought it was inappropriate. But then, who am I to think that it's inappropriate? Back then in my senior year, we totally didn't have any connection. We were friends on Facebook and Friendster, but it's not like it helped. So I guess our so-called relationship just like that... my senior year.

I'm ending with this. I'm gonna think if I'm gonna continue this or just to my next entry what I think of LS now. :-) Good night/morning!

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