Went to Nicole's oday to study. It was successful, but I have to admit that it was inevitable not to talk about random stuff. Nonstop chit chatting from this guy to that guy, some academically-associated.

From right now, the day is beginning to end, and I can safely say that I have a lot of realizations (lately). Firstly, I realized that I'm the one who has a problem when it comes to boys. I like someone, and that someone either looks really good it's impossible for him to notice me or he unfortunately has a girlfriend which makes things more complex than it is. Secondly, even though I found out that this certain guy is the latter, I still have the guts to lead myself on, making me think that he could -just this once- return the feeling. But in the end, it's me that's left hurt and vulnerable, because I go around liking guys that I don't deserve. 

It hurts like hell when that guy doesn't give even the littlest hint he likes you back, but it's even worse when you get to "socialize" and then you end up having false hopes and shattered emotions.

But I guess this is life, I mean I am like this now, but I hope and pray that someday I will meet a guy who is fated for me, you know? The kind of guy that He made especially for me. But that's the problem, "someday" is too broad. Like, I don't have a single clue when that'll happen. Only He knows.

I wish I was that kind of girl who's never mesmerized by cute smiles and twinkling eyes. But I can't help it, I'm that kind of girl. And the reason it got me writing this entry, is because I'm having this really pathetic infatuation for two guys. The first guy, M, belongs to the latter type (the one with a girlfriend), while the second, C, is fortunately single, but I think I'm that knowledgeable that he wouldn't even dare look my way. 

What's even more ridiculous is that at this age, I should be worrying about the future, but what do I have? These stinking crushes. My God I'm so pathetic I pity myself. While on the other hand, my friends are facing problems of their love lives. I don't know if I should be jealous or what.