This is seriously beginning to alter my life in a really bad way. 'This' being the dream I was talking about on my previous entry, it's jeopardizing my life, my sanity. And no, I am not exaggerating, not at all. First and foremost, why does it have to be HLS that had to be the subject of my dream, why not anyone else? Everything about HLS is complicated, everything about whatever relationship we had is complicated. To think I have moved on from all that shit, this one dream is swallowing me all up like an ice cream bar. 

For the last two years, I've been focusing on the most important chapters of my life which definitely affects my future. Back then, I had no way to ever think not even recall memories of HLS because as I said, I was busy with my academic and clinical life. I guess it's safe to say that I was preoccupied with studies while unconsciously forgetting everything about HLS (or maybe just setting HLS aside). Typing these words now, I feel that I really have forgotten about HLS for those last two years. And up to the moment before that dream, I was doing just as fine. But now with that damn dream surfacing battling with my reality, I don't think I can recover so quickly. 

For the nth time I've been questioning myself why it had to be HLS. I mean, God knows how we were. He knows every thoughts and unpublished blog entries I had for HLS. He is well-aware that for the past two years, I have completely stopped myself drowning myself in thoughts of HLS, which I am very thankful for. And now I ask, why? We're not communicating with each other (and it's been great thankyouverymuch) why let it still be an issue that needs to be shut down? It's far too impossible to start a conversation with HLS, that is why I'm having a really hard time analyzing this whole situation. I mean if God let me and made me remember HLS this time of my life, maybe He should have done something like this to HLS too, like I shouldn't be the only one experiencing this hurdle, I mean HLS should at least have a share of this burden I'm carrying. (Sorry, I feel like I was running out of breath  in that last sentence)